Mix two of my favorite subjects–cheesy sci-fi and obscure but fatal diseases–in one movie and what do you get? “Plaguers“!

Oh, daddy! I’ve got another live one!

Welcome to homage central for the “Alien” franchise!

A crew of space…miners?…cargo transporters?…cowboys?…has discovered a rare and powerful source of energy called Thanatos.

While heading back to earth the crew responds to a distress signal from a derelict ship. After rescuing four space hotties who wear 1960s’-era (purple one-piece minis and silver go-go boots) Hollywood space-chick costumes, the crew plans to complete their journey back home.

But wait! The space hotties are really hottie space pirates who take over the ship! But wait! The Thanatos is more than just an energy source. It, too, wants to take over the ship!

Infecting anyone who touches it, and turning them into undead mutants, the Thanatos is a formidable foe.

To make it home safely, the hottie space pirates must join forces with hottie blonde Captain Holloway and her crew of whatevers.

I know. That sounds nothing like “Alien” or “Aliens,” but stick with me. The set design is very “Alien.” The way they hunt mutants is very “Alien.” Mutant blood is green with acid qualities like “Alien.” The way they fight among themselves is very “Alien.” It even stars Steve Railsback as a “synthoid” android named Tarver…Harper…Charver…Tarper (the cast can’t seem to make up its mind), who looks and acts like the android in “Alien” and “Aliens.”

Not only does writer/director Brad Sykes have a total jones for the “Alien” franchise, he also seems to have a thing for Greek mythology and/or psychology. The main spaceship is the U.S.S. Pandora…and the crew certainly opened Pandora’s Box with that promising but deadly new power source called Thanatos, which is Greek for something having to do with death. Dr. Sigmund Freud defined Thanatos as “death-like instincts.”

HEY! I think my Psych 101 class just paid for itself! Sweet! Only $10 grand more in student loans to go!

The special FX are sick! Tres cool make up for the mutants! Melting flesh, ooze, bone structure, entrails and blood, blood, blood. Loads of gore, and my favorite FX moment is when a crewman gets the skin ripped off his chest and his innards are made outards. He’s even got exposed ribs wiggling around as he wriths in the clutches of the fiends.

As the movie moves forward, the FX get more claymationy, which I’m sure we have a nod to Pete Jackson’s “Dead Alive” to thank. Sykes even seems to give a shout out to the “Toxic Avenger,” too.

The space FX are actually pretty good for a B-movie. Obviously, the Pandora is a model against a backdrop of stars, but they make it look about as convincing as possible for the budget they have.

Alexis Zibolis, as Captain Holloway, is probably the best actress in the movie, but Paige La Pierre is my favorite as psychopathic space pirate Sadie. She’s reckless. She’s impulsive. She thinks nothing through. She’s bloodthirsty. What’s not to admire?

Fellas. Sorry, no senseless nudity. Fear not, as the senseless violence and mutant-gore action should more than make up for it.

What more can I say? “Plaguers” is more fun than a colony of ill-tempered lepers.