Let’s see. They’ve already invented the iMac, iPod and iPhone. Asimov created “I, Robot.” What will they think of next? “iMurders.”

Horror fans, here’s the skinny. This isn’t a horror film. Sorry. Tricked by screener art of a computer mouse dripping copious amounts of blood, I thought we were covered for horror. After watching the longest opening credits in film history–they even stuck in a full scene between the two halves of the opening credits–I felt committed and couldn’t switch out.

The good news is that there’s plenty of gore porn and a drinking game headed your way!

“iMurders” is about a chatroom of friends being systematically picked off by a sadistic serial killer.

Mostly we just follow a chatroom member named Sandra (Terri Colombino). She’s new in town, has a nice landlady, a studly neighbor and good friends online. She’s being stalked like the others, but she’s blonde, so we mostly follow her.

Studly neighbor Joe (Frank Grillo) has a sis who is an FBI agent who is sorta working the case. She’s teamed with a partner who is trying his level best to be Laurence Fishburne.

The whole movie unfolds all herky-jerky. Definitely a B-grade mystery, you kinda wonder if it wasn’t a Hollywood welfare project. It was littered with known actors including (but not limited to) Billy Dee Williams, Gabrielle Anwar, William Forsythe, Charles Durning and Margaret Colin (Jeff Goldblum’s ex in “Independence Day“).

The cadaver FX are top notch! Great slit throats, convincing corpses who’ve been nicely carved up. Lots of gore. Blood everywhere!

One guy gets killed by a cordless power drill! What’s not to like. There’s even a few sex scenes.

Now that I’ve talked about sex and violence, it is time for a drinking game!

As always, use caution, and take away everyone’s keys. Let the games begin!

Bipolar Cocktails for 2: Rational thought is frowned upon by many characters here. Team up two people because no one can handle this challenge alone. One person takes a drink every time a male film character makes a totally irrational or illogical statement or jumps to the wrong conclusions. The other person does the same but for the female characters.

Slugs for Joe: Joe is the most sober alcoholic I’ve ever seen! He’s constantly drinking, but he never gets buzzed or wasted. Take a shot every time you see him with a drink, and see how you fare.

Desperation Inebriation: Sandra just can’t say no to the men who are pigs. Every time she takes back a man who is a jerk to her–or defends one who is a jerk–take a drink.

The Non Sequitur Hangover Guarantee: If you take a drink every time a character says something that makes little sense without further explanation–and fails to further explain–you’ll hate yourself in the morning.

And last but not least…

Professor Beergoggles: A girl would need some serious beer goggles to find anything sexually appealing about “The Professor.” Help the old coot out, and take a shot every time a woman hits on him. See if you can see what they see in him by the end of the movie.