Well, okay, go ahead and read. I promise to keep this as SPOILER-FREE as possible. Anyone who’s seen Takashi Miike’s “Audition” (1999) isn’t supposed to tell others about what happens in the movie. Still, I have to write something… hmmm, dang. Uhh…Maybe I’ll just go ahead and toss out some Wikipedia quotes regarding the film’s infamous reputation.

“…one enraged female viewer confronted Miike by shouting at him: ‘You’re evil!’ ”
“…at the Irish Film Institute in Dublin in 2001, some patrons collapsed in apparent shock.” “…notable horror directors including John Landis and Rob Zombie found the film very difficult to watch.”

Miike was called “evil” for making this movie? Sounds like a hell of a recommendation to me.

If you’re interested in seeing this (and haven’t already) please, please, please DO NOT ruin it for yourself by reading someone’s synopsis, review, essay or whatever. I saw this movie cold and it was a kick in the eye. “Audition” (available now on DVD and Blu-ray) remains one of the most shocking, controversial and misleading films I’ve ever seen.

When I say misleading I’m not kidding–the first act of the movie is like “Sleepless in Seattle” or something. Aoyama is a widower and father of a 17-year-old son. Shigehiko, concerned about moving out and leaving his father alone, suggests he start dating–as does Aoyama’s friend, who cunningly sets up a fake movie audition for the purpose of finding a suitable mate for his lonely pal.

Aoyama is immediately smitten with waifish Asami (Eihi Shiina, “Tokyo Gore Police“), a demure, polite and beautiful former dancer. Ignoring everyone’s warnings about Asami’s obvious “red flags,” Aoyama pursues her, and, well I guess you would call it “wins her love.” The second act features Aoyama investigating Asami’s mysterious past. Okay. I’m done. I’m just going to shut up. If you’re watching this flick for the first time, here’s where you keep the barf bag handy, because the third act? Heh heh heh. Some of the most wrenching stuff I’ve ever seen in a movie, perhaps only equaled by Park Chan-wook’s “Oldboy.”

When you met a potential mate, sometimes you just have no idea who it is you’re letting into your life, into your family, into your bed. Sure, everything’s awesome when it all works out–but what happens when it doesn’t? Cinema has shown us a lot of movies featuring relationships that go wrong, from “Fatal Attraction” to “The Shining” to “The Stepfather” to the current remake of “The Stepfather.” Y’know what? Maybe I’ll go ahead and stay single just to be on the safe side.

This new Blu-ray and DVD release from Shout! Factory features 2 discs of new features, interviews, commentary and essays with widescreen presentation and 5.0 sound. However, Shout! Factory fails to include a barf bag. That? You’ll have to supply on your own.