Boys and girls, even I don’t know where to start on this one, or even what to call it.

Slasher farce? Minimalist Slasher Absurdism? I laughed. I jumped. I kinda wanted to tear my hair out in some scenes.

Whatever it is, kiddies, “Murder Loves Killers Too” is one of a kind!

Set in the mountains near Big Bear Lake, Calif. (even though the license plates say they are in Colorado), “Murder Loves Killers Too” starts with a preamble, kinda like the classic “A Christmas Carol.”

The narrator waxes poetic about horny young adults going into the woods to party and die. (It is an unexpected and dry narration, but it is funny.)

Exit narrator. Enter the 5 dwarves (not real dwarves…just hang in there a sec): Gearhead, Screamy, Dopey (think 4.20, baby), Topless and Bugs.

Within one minute, I know who I–me, personally–want to kill. Screamy. All she does is scream. If she’s happy she screams. If she’s bored she screams. If she’s scared she screams. If she’s screaming she screams. She has virtually no speaking lines. She needs to die! She needs a slow, graphic death. On my list of movie characters I would pay to kill, she’s not too far behind Jar Jar Binks from the Star Wars prequels.

Back to the movie. The 5 dwarves’ car breaks down not far from the remote mountain cabin they’ve rented for the weekend. Oddly, there’s a car parked in the driveway. Without really bothering to see if anyone is home in this isolated location, they commence partying.

Soon Screamy decides she needs to go for a jog. It is a random decision she pays for with her life! Yay! Unfortunately you really don’t see her tortured or killed.

Unknown by Dopey that his girlfriend is being killed, Dopey decides to go for a run, too. As if most munchie-eating college-age stoners are total health nuts. Like Screamy, he doesn’t get far. At least we see him hung on a meat hook and disemboweled.

The party continues for the remaining three. In the course of 3 or 4 hours they go from passing out drunk to stone sober.

Bugs, a hottie pro bartender, has an urge to find nocturnal bugs. She grabs a magnifying glass and a flash light-leaving Topless and Gearhead to have sex and be butchered.

Our mad man is Big Stevie, a beefy giant who hacks people up with a range of weaponry spanning kitchen knives to pocket-size cordless drills. He’s deadly silent and has no pity. Four-fifths of the partiers are dead within the first half hour.

Bugs is more elusive, even if she won’t be missed by Mensa if she dies. Bugs is the only movie victim I’ve seen who after learning all of her friends are dead and has personally escaped to freedom and live a happy life instead decides to sneak back into the murder’s home.

Alrighty. Lemme regroup a bit:
Preamble=funny in an off-beat way
Murder Scenes=traditional slasher fair
Now…

Once recaptured after running back to the killer, Bugs is trussed up and dressed like Big Stevie’s yet-unseen wife and spritzed with the woman’s perfume. Bugs is then forced to wear his yet-unseen daughter’s glasses and given the girl’s math book.

“I have some sexual issues,” Big Stevie matter-of-factly announces, much like a parent having a serious conversation with a nearly grown child.

Big Stevie carries on a goofy-deranged one-sided conversation with Bugs. It’s rather funny and rather deranged.

“Yeah, I know you’ve pretty much got a situation on your hands,” he sympathizes.

Bugs is eventually imprisoned in the trunk of Big Stevie’s Honda, and Big Stevie goes home to his wife and daughter for the third and final act of this film now set in suburbia.

I won’t spoil the ending, but I did mention this film is deranged, right?

I’m still up in the air about this one. I think I like where they were taking this rather dry, absurdist farce of a slasher, but I’m not sure how well it works. It moves fast, but I might have made it a two-reeler. I don’t know.

One thing I am certain of, I loved the song used in the closing credits, “Naughty Mittens.” As demented as the movie, it is pretty sweet.