Any movie with an opening scene this good has real potential!

Mrs. Flynn is giving birth to her first child at home in her rural English cottage. Dad paces nervously as the midwife delivers the child.

The priest is there, too. Seconds after the child born, he takes one look and pulls a pistol to shoot the infant.

“He’s a creature of God, Father,” Mrs. Flynn cries.

“I don’t think so, Mrs. Flynn.”

I about fell off the couch laughing and cheering on the priest in “Plague Town“!

Does it get any better than that? Not really. But don’t let that stop the fun.

The rest of the movie is about an American family tracing its roots back to England. At least I think it is England. They took the bus from London out to the country where everyone has Irish accents. As there’s no bus from London to Ireland, we’re forced to assume a mass migration from the Emerald Isle to the British Isle.

Familie Americain gets lost, misses the bus and is forced to wander in search of help. As if sticking to the main road might lead them home, they opt for dirt roads.

Soon they’re being picked off by deformed children. Aside from being homicidal by upbringing, they are normal kids who are just really ugly–think agile zombies who laugh and giggle incessantly.

And wouldn’t you know it, the ugly kids have normal-looking parents who are desirous of breeding stock to finally have a normal-looking kid.

That’s it. That’s the nefarious plot. Haven’t these people heard of DNA testing and genetic therapy? It’s set in modern times. It’s not as if stem cell research was banned in Europe for the past 8 years.

Oh well. More gore for us. Right, campers?!

On to the good stuff. These killers use an eclectic array of weapons for which I am grateful: sticks through the neck, sickles, pitchforks, big knives and even a hub cap gets serious screen time.

Personally, my favorite kill was steel wire that cleanly slices off the top of a guy’s head. It’s a cool effect, and you can see a nice chunk o’ brain and draining blood. It’s like that scene in “Ghost Ship” where the tension line on the ship breaks free and halves the partygoers on deck. This is sick like that but with only one person, not 100.

For what it’s worth, another way to think of this movie is as the “English” version of “Backwoods.” I’ll leave it up to you to determine if that’s a good thing or not.