Who was that masked man?

As if anyone needs to ask.

It seems like only yesterday I was reviewing the reissue of the original “Friday the 13th” directed by Sean Cunningham in 1980. Now here I am reviewing the modern remix of the original produced by Sean Cunningham. It seems as if Jason Voorhees and his big daddy have moved up in the world, and I couldn’t be prouder for them.

The opening scene in this one pays homage to the original with an altered recreation of the original ending. This time Jason is a little boy and still alive, as he watches the last surviving counselor at Camp Crystal Lake behead his mother.

Fast forward 29 years and the J-meister is a middle-aged psychopath killing everyone within a 5-mile radius of Crystal Lake. First it’s a group of horny pot smokers. Dumb as posts, these campers are quickly dispatched–save one. She looks just like Jason’s mom from the opening scene of this new film.

Proving he has a tender heart, Jason keeps this new girl alive and locked in his spiffy underground lair.

The woman, Whitney, is not only lucky enough to get rock-star treatment from Jason, she’s lucky enough to have a protective big brother named Clay who comes to rescue her.

On his quest to find her, Clay runs into a gaggle of college students spending the weekend at Daddy’s lodge on the lake. They’re all mostly jerks except for Jenna–a caring soul who wants to help Clay.

Jason has issues with anyone being near the lake and begins working his trade-marked skills on locals and partiers alike. Along the way he finds his hockey mask, and Clay finds his sis. But that’s really when his trouble begins.

Let’s break it down by the numbers.

Body Count: 13
Sex Scenes: 2
Vehicles that Don’t Work: 4
Weapons Used by Jason: 6, at least (He’s a great archer but still seems to prefer his machete. Personally, I preferred how he roasted a girl in a sleeping bag over a fire.)

In a side-by-side comparison, this is a fine remake. I could have used a few more buckets of blood, but this one was much bloodier than the original. The music was infinitely better than the original–none of that incessant repetition of the same 15 notes, or whatever that sound effect was. (Of course there are nods to it in the background music.) On the downside, this cast wasn’t as compelling. In the original, the cast was hyper-sexually horny, but they also were just attractive, average looking young adults who were curious and somewhat more innocent. The modern cast was waxed, oiled and sculpted like porn stars without a hint of anything erotic.

I guess I can’t have everything, but as far as slashers go, this has about everything you need.